Funny One Liners

Alwayz remember u r unique - just like every1 else.

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I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert

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Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

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I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

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Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?

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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

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The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

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We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

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